As a husband or wife, the sexual satisfaction of both you and your partner is the most important and precious factor for a lifelong happy marriage. Without a satisfying sexual connection, your marriage might hit a dead end sooner or later.
And while marriage is full of ups and downs, you should never let the sexual passion and fire between you go off. For sure, passionless, sexually unsatisfying marriages don’t get that way overnight. Here are seven warning signs that you are on your way to a sexless marriage and how to reignite the passion between you and your partner.
1. You Aren’t Having Sex
Don’t you think you’ll soon be stuck in a sexless marriage if you aren’t having sex frequently?
If you do, you’re not far from the truth…
Because according to Tammy Nelson, a certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want, the more you abstain from having sex with your partner the harder it becomes to revive your sex life.
Maybe you can’t remember the last time you were sexually involved with your partner or you only make out on special-occasions like (birthdays, vacations, anniversaries, etc.) The truth is, it’s not a good sign.
Because if you’ve gone long periods without sex, your body will naturally stop producing the sex hormones that enable you to be aroused, and with time, you may start to feel like you aren’t interested in it anyway.
But if you don’t want to end up in a sexless marriage, you need to take sex off the back-burner. And the best way to do that?
Is to schedule in sex dates.
Sure, It may seem like the least sexy plan of attack but it will likely get you and your partner back on track, according to Nelson.
Having sex might save you from ending up as roommates instead of couples as it jump-starts the engine and it may even remind you that you enjoy making love to your partner. Besides, the more sex you have, the more sex you want.
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2. You Aren’t Having Body Contacts
When it comes to the biggest sex drive killers, it’s not just right to avoid talking about lack of body contacts.
You’re bound to grow apart if you rarely touch each other let alone embracing before week-long work trips.
We all know that the initial physical intimacy and PDAs, at the beginning of every romance won’t last forever. But if it gets to a point where you barely touch each other, you’re a step closer to being “roommates.”
Try to make body contacts a priority ’cause it helps you reach out to your partner effortlessly without intentions.
It also helps get dopamine flowing through your bodies which might also put you in the mood of a hot sex round.
Enjoy a simple and sensual night together with candles, where you’re just watching TV.
You can as well, sit next to each other, hold each other, lie in each other’s lap, stroke each other’s hair. Just try to get more body contacts. It’s really important.
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3. Your Lives Rarely Intersect
So you’ve got little or no time for sex as everything like (kids, work, travel, friends) but your marriage takes priority?
Don’t be surprised if you end up in a sexless marriage because you’re living a parallel life.
Maybe you’re living a hectic and overly busy life. Or maybe your dinner hour may be taken over by the feeding schedules of your kids. But if you want to enjoy a sex and affection filled marriage, you need to get back on the same page and make an active decision to drift back together.
You should try and build into your calendars time to talk face-to-face with your partner. Just find a way to have alone time even if it’s just sharing a late-night glass of wine.
Eventually, you’ll realize you got together for a reason, and if you dedicate time to each other, those reasons will become very apparent again.
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4. Having Sex Hurts
You really want to enjoy a happy and sex-filled marriage, but the problem is, sex is painful or uncomfortable for you or your spouse.
It’s understandable but you wouldn’t want to live a lifetime of marriage without sex and intimate connection. That’s why you should get informed and look for a fix.
Because according to Susan Heitler, a psychologist and the author of the marriage betterment program Power Of Two Marriage, the problem may be one of technique if it just doesn’t feel right.
“For instance, if you’re a woman, sometimes a warm-up before you hit the sack — an exercise to get the blood flow going or a warm shower — can enhance your responsivity from the get-go of couple contact. And if you feel sexually aroused, it will likely be contagious and enhance your spouse’s arousal as well.” She said.
And if the problem is pain or dryness caused by menopause you should seek medical attention to remedy it.
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5. You’ve Developed Feelings For Someone Else
Developing feelings for someone else other than your partner will get you stuck in a sexless marriage sooner than anything else. Here’s why:
Being physically attracted to someone who’s not your spouse takes attention away from your bedroom.
Even if it’s just an emotional affair and yet to turn physical, it will definitely make you feel less invested in your marriage.
According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychologist who writes Psychology Today’s “Fulfillment At Any Age” blog, when this other person, seems to hold so much attraction it means that something is missing in your relationship.
The obligations and mental energy involved in an emotional affair can wear away even the best relationship unless both partners are willing to make the effort to keep it vital.
Put that extra effort in, try to put an end to every emotional affair you’re having with any other person. Love and treat your partner well and you’ll send a message that he or she thinks is really important.
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6. You Don’t Initiate Sex
Want to know one of the main reasons why most couples end up being roommates?
They’re simply not making any efforts to initiate sex.
The thought of initiating sex makes them anxious and uncomfortable but the truth is…
For a marriage to be sexually active, someone needs to shoulder the responsibility of the sex aspects of the marriage.
Someone needs to dress up, buy sex toys, or turn on the porn. It’s perfectly fine for one partner to be the driving force if it keeps your sex life alive and moving. But when you both stop trying, it can grind the whole sex machine to a halt.
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7. You’re Emotionally Disconnected
Being emotionally disconnected from your partner slowly rubs you of your marital sex life.
You become prone to getting stuck in a sexless marriage if you’re not emotionally connected to your partner.
That’s why you should always be emotionally attached to your partner.
The bottom line is…
Sex is all tied up in how you and your partner feel about the state of the relationship in general. It’s more than just a physical activity.
Emotional loving and sexual loving tend to go hand in hand, each enhancing the other.
The more thirsty you are for one, the more likely you are thirsty for the other as well.
To get things started, compliment and appreciate your spouse. Share your time, attention, and your curiosity about what the other is doing or thinking about and you’ll be on the right track.
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Final Thoughts
Think back to the early days of your marriage. How was the sexual spark between you and your partner?
We all know that couples newly in love, typically experience feelings of closeness and excitement and have regular sex.
And that’s how great your sex lives should be even after years of being together.
In a world of endless divorce and marriage crises, being in a sexless marriage can cause a lot of relationship issues related to anger, isolation, infidelity, and could also result in divorce.
So, you should get into action and reignite the passion between you and your partner.
And restore the sweet and yummy relationship you used to have.
