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How To Help A Partner Last Longer During Sex, According To An Expert

In this week’s Sex IDK column, Emma McGowan, certified sex educator and writer, answers your questions about premature ejaculation and how to make sex last longer.

Q: My partner orgasms really quickly. What can I do to make sex last longer?

Let’s get one thing straight: There’s nothing wrong with orgasming quickly, slowly, or somewhere in between. However, if the time your partner takes to orgasm is negatively impacting your sexual satisfaction, there are steps you can both take to help! Let’s take a look at stuff you can do, stuff they can do, and stuff you can do together.

While some people with vaginas have trouble with orgasming quicker than they’d like to, it’s much more common for people with penises. While there are no solid studies on the subject, medical professionals estimate that about one in three people with penises experiences “premature ejaculation” (PE) at some point in their lives, according to the Mayo Clinic.

When it comes to premature ejaculation with a penis, there are things your partner can do: medicate, masturbate, apply a numbing agent, and therapy. While there aren’t any medications yet that specifically treat PE, one side effect of some selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs, aka antidepressants) is delaying orgasm. For some people, that’s a bug, not a feature, but people experiencing PE sometimes choose to take these medications for that reason.

Another option — and a decidedly less intense one — is that your partner can masturbate before you two have partnered sex. Obviously, this method depends on knowing when you’ll have sex, as well as your partner’s refractory period (which is the time after orgasm during which someone can’t get an erection again), so it does take a little planning. But if those are factors you can work out, masturbating before partnered sex can help with lasting longer during.

Some people also choose to apply numbing agents to their penises. You can get them in the sexual health section (like where you buy condoms) of the pharmacy. Decreasing sensation in the penis can help a person who gets overstimulated delay orgasm. The only downside is that some people report that the loss of sensation is too much and it’s more difficult to maintain an erection. It’s definitely a balancing act.

Finally, some people who experience PE can work past it with therapy. One study that included 58 people experiencing PE found that attending therapy for two to three times per week, for a total of six times, noticeably helped almost 80% of the participants. A therapist can help your partner uncover any underlying psychological issues that may be contributing to them orgasming quickly.

There are also things you two can do as a couple when you’re having partnered sex. One is turning most of the focus onto you and your orgasm before you do whatever sex act leads to your partner ejaculating. Then, once you’ve finished, you can have penis-in-vagina or anal or oral sex — or whatever it is that really gets your partner going.

Another thing you can do is stop and start while you’re having intercourse. It’s exactly what it sounds like — your partner enters your body, moves around, and then stops when they start to feel really excited. That gives them time to calm down a little bit before continuing. You can use that stopped time as a teaser for more action, even touching yourself and/or talking to dirty to keep yourself in the right headspace.

Finally, your partner can give their penis a squeeze when they think they’re close to orgasm. (Or you could even do it for them!) When they’re about to finish, they can grab the penis between the glans and the shaft and squeeze for 30 seconds. It’s definitely an interruption to the action, but it can be done a few times during sex, delaying orgasm.

If your partner’s quickness to orgasm is bumming you out, no need to despair anymore! There are plenty of possible solutions. All you have to do is work through it together.

Studies:

Chen, Guo-heng, et. al. (2009) A clinical study on psycho-behavior therapy for premature ejaculation. Zhonghua Nan Ke Xue, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20112744/

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The first night of love of Louis XIV with a one – eyed- The Point News

In 1654, Anne of Austria is worried about the libido of her offspring royal. At 16 years old, Louis XIV did not seem attracted to the fairer sex. This is not normal. Would it be as weak as his father Louis XIII ? Has he not taken twenty-two years for it to finally succeed to plant the small seed on the lawn of Anne of Austria, that was to become Louis XIV ?

in Short, noting that his son has no love, the queen mother seeks the right person to déniaiser his son. The choice is delicate. It should not be too appetizing for that Louis attaches to it. He does not need to pa…

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Updated Date: 03 August 2020, 02:33

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Telford man released from prison after sex abuse conviction quashed by judges

Shafiq Younas is back at his home in Wellington, Telford, after the panel of judges allowed his appeal. He had always denied any involvement.

The 36-year-old was jailed last December for four-and-a-half years following a trial at Birmingham Crown Court, for allegedly indecently assaulting the young girl who the jury heard had been “passed around like a piece of meat”, sold for sex and raped by a gang.

Younas, of Regent Street, was among five men who stood trial resulting in convictions for four of them, while another defendant was cleared of wrongdoing.

Jurors were told that the vulnerable victim was sold for sex, first by a man named Tanveer Ahmed, who had “befriended her” during a low point in her life.

Ahmed, who delivered takeaways for Perfect Pizza in the town, was not on trial alongside the other defendants, having been deported to Pakistan for “unrelated offences”, the court heard.

Later, the victim came into contact with the first defendant, Ali Sultan, 33, formerly of Telford, whom she said also sold her for sex, raped and abused her.

He was jailed for eight years for rape and three counts of indecent assault against her.

Younas was immediately released from prison following the video proceedings after serving seven months of his term. But Ali Sultan’s appeal against his eight-year sentence was refused by the full court at the same hearing held on Thursday.

Responding to the decision West Mercia Police’s local policing commander for Telford, Superintendent Jim Baker, said: “We note and consider the implications of the verdict from the Court of Appeal.”

Still in jail

At the trial last year the jury was told that Sultan already had convictions in both 2012 and 2015 for “similar offences against young girls” – the last of which he was serving the remainder of a six-year prison term for.

Sultan was also among seven men originally convicted following the Operation Chalice investigation into the abuse and prostitution of children in Telford.

Co-defendant Mohammad Rizwan, 37, of Mafeking Road, Hadley, was also convicted of two counts of indecent assault. Rizwan, who saved the girl’s phone number under a lewd contact name, was handed a five-and-a-half year jail term.

Amjad Hussain, 38, of Acacia Drive, Leegomery, was convicted of a single count of indecent assault and was jailed for four-and-a-half years.

The case was investigated by the force as part of Operation Vapour set up in 2018 in response to reports of historic cases of child sexual exploitation in the borough.

The victim at the centre of the sex abuse case was praised for her bravery by West Mercia Police and Telford MP Lucy Allan after describing being violently abused when she tried to refuse their advances.

The offences dated between 2000 and 2003 and started when the girl, now an adult, was just 13.

She told police that, years after the abuse ended, she recognised photos of Ali Sultan and Ahmed from press reports on the Telford sex ring.

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Female students receive sanitary kits

An international charity group has distributed more than 170 sanitary kits to female students attending a primary school last week.

Days for Girls (DfG) charity group coordinator Silke Zwilling said 171 female students from grade five to grade eight and 12 female teachers from Lanakapi Lutheran Primary School have received a sanitary kit package.

Mrs Zwilling said many girls and women in PNG do not have access to safe and hygienic sanitary items so they resort to using old clothes, toilet paper or any piece of cloth when having their menstrual periods, thus their assistance to help females having access to safe hygiene practices.

She said the sanitary kit package contains reusable sanitary wear which can last up to three years and is made from high-quality material.

“We are targeting schools located in areas where we think their families cannot afford to have sanitary items available monthly for these female students to use when having their menstrual period.

“Thus, DfG is based in more than 140 countries empowering women and girls to manage their menstrual periods with dignity whilst doing their daily routines and attending classes,” Mrs Zwilling said.

Mrs Zwilling said they are thankful for making a difference in the lives of young female students and educating them on changes experienced during puberty stage, female hygiene, sexual reproductive system for male and female, pregnancy and menstrual cycle.

She said they received a lot of support from DfG groups in Australia, Queensland, Brisbane where so far they have donated sanitary kit packages to eight primary schools in Morobe, some to hospitals and Buimo prisoners, adding that they are hoping to make a difference.

Lanakapi Lutheran Primary School lower primary coordinator Wai Boyope said they are thankful for the very informative session of puberty stage of a female with demonstration to the female students and how they can look after themselves.

Mrs Boyope said they are teaching these topics during their lessons but not in detail as what is being taught and demonstrated which can guide the female students to know and expect the changes to occur as they grow older.

DfG thanked Australia PNG Partnership program for the funding that has enable them to continue their work of which Lanakapi is the first school getting donations through the financial support.

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Student-run instagram accounts post stories of racism, homophobia, sexual assault in Iowa City schools

Students in the Iowa City Community School District recently began publishing anonymous stories about discrimination and inappropriate behavior within the community.

Abby Watkins

A story posted on the @blackaticcsd Instagram page is seen on Sunday Aug. 2, 2020. The account posts stories from both students and alumni documenting their experience within the school district. The @blackaticcsd Instagram page also coincides with the @lgbtaticcsd Instagram page which shares the stories of LGBTQ+ students.


White teachers using the n-word. Heteronormative health classes. Male students sexualizing and harassing their female peers. These are a few of the stories students in the Iowa City Community School District have shared anonymously on community Instagram accounts.

Accounts like these have popped up over the past few weeks, encouraging students to share their stories with the hopes of raising awareness and creating a safe space. The administrators of the first account to do so, @blackaticcsd, initially posted July 19, establishing itself as “a safe place for BIPOC students to tell their stories and amplify their voices.”

The admin shared a link to a Google form where students could share their story and specify information they would like to use to identify themselves, if any.

Since first posting, the account has shared dozens of stories from Black, Asian, Latinx, and Jewish students, as well as white students who have witnessed racism. The posts are categorized in the caption, with labels such as “educational hindering due to race,” “feeling threatened,” “false accusations,” and “racist remarks,” which 22 of the posts are categorized as.

RELATED: Iowa Freedom Riders seek to share personal stories of racial injustice with Iowa City City Council

The @blackaticcsd account has also inspired other students to share stories from the district.

“I saw a lot of my classmates posting about the Black at ICCSD account and I saw their account and I thought it was a really good idea,” said Rachel Johnson, an incoming freshman at City High. “I just thought that there should also be a place for LGBT students to share their stories.”

Johnson reached out to some of her friends that are also in the LGBTQ community and two of them joined her in creating @lgbtaticcsd.

Since the account opened on July 22, Johnson and her friend have posted more than 100 stories from LGBTQ students across the district. The submissions identify a variety of discrimination and bullying students face. Two patterns in particular stood out to Johnson.

“One was just how many people talked about constantly hearing the f-slur and hearing ‘gay’ used as an insult,” Johnson said. “Just so many people talked about that and how it was just a normalized thing.”

Johnson said she also noticed the names of teachers that recurred in multiple stories.

Another account that followed the creation of @blackaticcsd was @girlsaticcsd. The account owner said in the account’s initial post on July 30 that it was a safe place to submit stories of sexism, misogyny, and harassment — and a majority of the posts have fallen into the latter category.

In the short time since their inception, the accounts have quickly gained a following. Black at ICCSD has more than 1,600 followers and the other two accounts have over 600.

The posts have also caught the attention of teachers and administrators.

“It just makes your heart hurt for students that have either experienced those things or witnessed those things in our school community,” Interim Superintendent Matt Degner said. “That’s definitely not what we want to be about, or the type of or the time of experience and climate we want to have for our students … As a human being and as an educator, I just feel bad and feel that we have a lot of work to do, and we have a lot of improvements to make so that students don’t have that experience in our schools.”

Degner said the district should incorporate ideas from the Comprehensive Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Plan passed in December 2019 to address the problems highlighted by the accounts, with an emphasis on the plan’s third component to “create equitable, inclusive and supportive school environments.”

In addition to improving upon plans and policies already in place by the district, Degner said there are also other components it will bring forward as the district works through the school year in order to focus on improvement efforts.

He said he thinks the problem needs to be addressed on two fronts.

“How do we prevent those issues from ever occurring in the first place?” Degner said. “And second, when they do happen, what do we do to take action and report on those?”

The stories that stood out in particular to Laura Gray, director of Diversity and Cultural Responsiveness, were those that included teachers and administrators that behaved inappropriately, especially by using the n-word.

“That was surprising to me, in this day and time. I can recall back when I was in school … the PC thing was like, ‘If you’re doing it for academic purposes, if you’re reading from a novel, it’s okay,’” Gray said. “But I went to school in inner-city Chicago and our white teachers still didn’t say the word. They just knew not to. So I think it’s just a cultural thing too. I feel like when you’re around diversity more, you know better.”

She said if students already felt safe to speak up about their experiences, there wouldn’t be a need for this account. Gray said now that they have created their own platform, it’s time for the adults to listen.

“My hope is that this experience will teach all of us that our kids have something to say. We need to listen,” she said. “Your rationale behind what happened or didn’t happen or your thoughts about it are secondary to possible harm that was caused to our children.”



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