CHILDREN’S television isn’t usually controversial – but a cartoon about a hero with the world’s longest penis isn’t all that usual either.
Parents are up in arms about a Danish kids show titled John Dillermand which shows its character performing amazing feats like using his todger to rescue people from lions – but fellas with mammoth members say real life with a huge penis isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
According to NHS data, the average UK penis size is 5.1 inches (13cm) when “soft and gently stretched”.
But even having just a few inches extra in the trouser department can be trouble.
Some blokes with over nine inches say its ruined relationships because of painful sex and they’ve even had to get clothes specially tailored to their needs.
But for those guys who really go to extreme lengths, their manhood can end up dictating their lives completely – from costing them work to getting them treated with suspicion by security workers.
Monster members costing career
Jonah Falcon claims to have the biggest penis in the world – at a staggering 13.5 inches when erect.
The New York-born 50-year-old actor says an erection causes him to become lightheaded as it balloons to eight inches in diameter.
“It’s thicker than my wrist,” he previously told The Sun.
Jonah says his infamous phallus has led him to bedding Oscar-winning actors and porn stars who’ve sought him out for sex.
And he’s enjoyed fame since 1999 when he was first named the man with the biggest penis in the world.
But there have been some drawbacks.
“It’s handicapped my acting because people won’t hire me,” Jonah says.
“They Google ‘Jonah Falcon’ and then say, ‘We can’t use him he’s known for his penis size’.
“It’s definitely harmed my career – I have two casting director friends who have told me so.”
And Jonah’s willy, which was eight inches long by the time he was 10, has led to some awkward encounters with airport security.
He was frisked and searched for explosives after his “very noticeable” bulge was interpreted as a “biological threat” at San Francisco Airport.
And in the bedroom, he has to be careful to avoid a painful penile fracture, meaning certain positions are completely off-limits.
And his celebrity status attracts a certain kind of attention – with a neighbour arranging for him to have sex with an 18-year-old woman when he was just 10, according to Rolling Stone.
“People also treat you differently when they find out you’re over a foot long,” Jonah says.
“It’s like you grow horns or something – it’s like you’re transformed in front of them into something.”
But despite the downsides, Jonah says he is completely happy with himself and “wouldn’t change anything for the world”.
Penis stretching ‘obsession’
Jonah’s world record was thrown into contention in 2015 when another man claimed his penis was even longer.
Roberto Esquivel Cabrera from Saltillo, Mexico, claimed his 18.9 inch colossus should be considered the true title-holder.
Despite appearing in the Guinness Book of Records, Roberto says his todger has caused him all sorts of problems.
He claims to have been registered as disabled because of his phallus and forced to rely on food banks to survive because he can’t work.
“I cannot wear a uniform like anybody in the companies and also I cannot get on my knees,” Roberto said, the Daily Record reports.
“I cannot run fast and so the companies think badly of me. They say that they will call me, but they never do.”
He previously lived in the United States but was forced to leave in 2001 after being convicted of an indecency charge after exposing himself to two underage girls.
In recent years, he was planning a return to the States to work as a porn star.
But in 2018, Roberto’s claims about the size of his penis were thrown into doubt when a medical exam concluded his 19-inch measurement was a bit of a stretch.
“When he came here to do a CT scan, my first impression was that it was a unique and unusual case,” radiologist Dr Jesus Pablo Gil Muro said about the examination.
“What the CT scan showed was that there is a very large foreskin. It goes just before the knee.
“But the penis itself is about 16 to 18cm from the pubis,” meaning his actual penis doesn’t go all the way through his foreskin and is actually about six inches long.
It later emerged that Roberto had been stretching his genitals with weights since being a teenager after becoming “obsessed” with its size, according to Dr Muro.
“The thing that bothers me is that [Roberto] gets money from his government for disability but he could have surgery to correct it,” Jonah Falcon said of Roberto’s case.
“Plus he doesn’t even have sex so what’s the point?
“As far as I know I have the biggest natural penis – I’ve never met anyone bigger or been told any different.”
Battle of the bulge
Even well-endowed blokes in the UK have found themselves dealing with a load of fuss.
Steve Whitehurst, who says he has to roll up his 10 inch penis, was falsely accused of shoplifting because of his bulge in 2019.
The window fitter from Stoke-on-Trent had been out shopping with his girlfriend Mandy Shenton and her grandson when the female store manager quizzed him about what was in his jeans.
“Eventually I dropped my trousers in front of everyone and just stood there in my boxer shorts and said, ‘See, I’ve got nothing to hide’,” Steve said at the time.
“But that didn’t satisfy her. She kept saying, ‘What’s that bulge?’”
He said he then went to a cubicle with a male security guard in the branch of Scotts Menswear.
A spokesperson for JD Sports, which owns the company, said: “The customer in question was exhibiting suspicious behaviour and, when the store manager confronted the customer, he became abusive.
“At no point did any colleague ask the customer to remove any clothing.”