Talk-lah: Malaysian expert highlights importance of ‘dirty talk’, conversations during sex

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KUALA LUMPUR, June 19 — For as much as most people enjoy talking about sex, they don’t seem to share the same interest when they are at it between the sheets.

For most, the creak of the bed may be even louder than the occasional moan, which could make both parties feel awkward.

To better understand the importance of “conversations” during sexual intercourse, Malay Mail asked consultant urologist Professor Dr George Lee Eng Geap to tell us what should normally be happening behind a closed bedroom door.

According to Dr Lee, having mutual conversations during sex is a form of communication and it can be both verbal and non-verbal.

“Verbal communication is obviously talking, and non-verbal cues may include moaning or even screaming during the climax.”

Citing a recent study published in the Journal of Sex and Sex Marital Therapy, Dr Lee said it was found that couples who communicate during intercourse have a higher level of satisfaction in sex and relationship.

He said the study, which surveyed 400 participants on the frequency of communication during sex, partners had more sexual satisfaction when they had conversations during sex, regardless of whether verbal or non-verbal.

Dr Lee also pointed out that although dirty talk may be perceived as inappropriate and cheesy, is a common way of communication before and during sex as it builds up the sexual tension and improves sexual connections.

“Studies have shown that talking dirty to your sexual partner can be teasing and may heighten tensions in foreplay, leading to a more intense passionate sex,” he added.

However, he said talking dirty doesn’t mean using rude and obscene words, which can be off-putting for some.

“Speaking seductively to each other during sex can help to spark the moment and assuring pleasure experienced by both parties.

“In fact, if couples haven’t experienced talking dirty before, getting over the nerves is the first step.

“Relax and take the risk by adding some dirty talk in the form of whispering sultry tones to your partner.

“Dirty talk is often seductive, relaxes couples and ensures fun love-making sessions,” he added.

To get started, Dr Lee advised to first avoid silence during the intercourse.

“Silence means it is hard to read what the partner is experiencing.”

Secondly, he said to be comfortable to initiate the non-verbal cues as they are often less threatening and less awkward.

“This may include guiding the partner’s hand to touch sensual spots, moaning and groaning when experiencing pleasure and shaking head when feeling otherwise.”

Lastly, Dr Lee said to build confidence to convey verbal cues in a seductive manner.

“This will slowly build up sexual confidence in verbal communications for both parties.”

Dr Lee also highlighted that the reason most couples tend to remain silent during intercourse could be fuelled by fears of ruining the mood or getting shut down if they speak up.

“Many would find it difficult to speak the actual words conveying the likes and dislikes in the middle of the business.

“They may think talking about sex would cause embarrassment or even fear their partner would react unfavourably to the verbal cues.

“The fear obviously is prohibitive of open communication,” he said.

Because of the fear and misconceptions, Dr Lee said many would adopt subtle and ambiguous gestures signalling their response.

“Such a manner is mainly to test the partner’s responses and avoid awkward moments.

“This tactic of helping ‘save face’ may render a situation of misunderstanding, and may force one party to remain quiet even though not enjoying the sexual experience,” he added.

Although subtle non-verbal cues can be perceived as less awkward and less threatening, Dr Lee said moving past the fears of negative reactions with conveying direct verbal communications may often be helpful.

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